What do all Rom-Coms have in common?
First, we start with two people, both of which are living a lonely, seemingly mundane life. Then we need an odd circumstance, like a run in at a bar combined with a random meeting through friends. Of course, there has to be an extremely awkward situation with an even bigger misunderstanding.
Then BAM, something clicks.
Eventually, the two people come back together, knowing fully who they want and they live happily ever after.
A young, naive me thought maybe one day I would meet my prince walking down the street. He would see me and get struck by cupid’s arrow. We would fall madly in-love, get married and I would have my happily ever after.
Christmas Rom-Coms kill me every year! I am such a sucker.
HA!
In reality, we have to dig through many, many frogs in order to find our prince or princesses.
The movie, He’s Just Not That Into You said it best, “Anyway, all my friends used to tell me about how things might work out with these dipsticks because they knew someone, who knew someone, who dated a dipstick just like mine. That girl ended up getting married and living happily ever after. That’s the exception and we’re not the exception, we’re the rule.”
At this point in my life, I had been with dipstick, after dipstick and I really did feel like they an exception.
I didn’t realize that I was trying to MAKE people see me as an “exception”. I thought that our “big misunderstanding” was them treating me like shit. We were going to come back stronger and in-love. I just knew it.
Until I figured out that those dipsticks were just dipsticks.
My sister once described her job, saying: “It is like you have multiple baskets of yarn, in multiple rooms but all the yarn is the same color just different hues. All the yarn is knotted and tangled, not only within the baskets but connecting from room to room.”
I felt as though I was constantly trying to untie and detangle my emotions, trying to find my way out of the house. I was stuck in that house and boy did it feel like a lost cause trying to dig through all of the baskets.
I had lost my original purpose. To find a partner who accepts me and would reciprocate my love but first I need to figure out what I really needed to feel safe and secure.
I was in the process of figuring out my life out, but it was much harder than I thought.
Until N came into my life.
All of those loud voices in my head trying to direct the disassembly of the yarn rooms quieted and like magic, they were rolling up slowly, easily, smoothly.
We briefly talked about Sara in part four of “My Nightmare”.
She was my person, way more than a best friend.
She helped me find the courage to leave and stay away from Carl, my nightmare, never judging me when I fell back into my trauma cycle. Sara knew every, little, detail and did all she could possibly do to revive what was left of me.
She was well aware of how toxic my work environment had become. (Not because of the job itself, but the location). Living in fight-or-flight every moment of every day was exhausting. My horrible attitude towards my co-workers in my life caused large rifts. I was slowly destroying all of my friendships.
So, Sara got me a job with her. One that was outside, where I could put some dirt between my toes and recuperate.
This job gave us an opportunity to move to a small town four hours north.
Without her, I wouldn’t have been able to afford the move, the deposit, nothing. I can’t say this enough, she saved my life.
Our new life was simple, easy, and slow. The best part? No one knew where I was.
I could hide and heal. I knew that my nightmare wouldn’t stumble upon my new little town. This was my first home away from home and it was a literal sanctuary. Living with Sara was filled with happiness every day.
We did everything together and she never made me feel like a bother. Grocery shopping and pedicures and late night munchie runs. We were extremely lucky that our work sent us on adventures up and down the California coast.
Of course, I knew that I couldn’t lean on her forever, she had her own needs, and soon she found the love of her life.
I was thrilled for her! I could see the love in their eyes, in how they treated each other, in their sweetness. They were soulmates.
However with her new love came lots of time alone for me. I was sort of forced into finding love within myself again and surprisingly, I started to enjoy it. I was making decisions for myself, without thinking of anyone else and it felt good.
Nights alone did start to get a little… lonely and being a third wheel all the time was making me feel slightly desperate.
Don’t get me wrong, I had been dating a little here and there but nothing past superficial relationships with a bunch of dipsticks.
I was looking for fireworks and I was only finding sparklers. On fire one moment and out the next.
I wanted more! No, I needed more. Sara, being the angel she is, became my “Match Maker”.
When a new employee started at her other job, she started to get some information. He later told me, he thought she was interested in him. That is what you call a great wing woman. (;
Instagrams were shared and the idea was planted.
My bold self (aka my mania, we’ll talk about this one another day..) decided I needed to message him right away.
I was very suave: “Hi N, this is A! (smiley face) Sara has been telling me a lot about you lately, she mentioned that I should message you.”
I cringe and swoon at the same time looking at our first conversations. A few messages in, and we exchange phone numbers.
After that, our text conversations looked very one-sided, but only because he always called to respond. I wasn’t used to someone calling to talk, but he always preferred it. It made me feel special.
Now, all I needed to do was actually meet him, you know, in person. Talking on the phone and texting is much easier than trying to have a conversation in person. We can’t delete and rewrite everything nor do we have time to mull on our responses.
So, what did I do?
I avoided the grocery store like the plague of course! Sara worked there after all, she could bring groceries home, right?!
Nope, not right. My matchmaker knows me well and saw right through that anxiety. I had to pull up my big girl undies and do my own grocery shopping.
Sara and I finally had a day off together and we had errands up the wazoo! One of those errands was a big grocery store haul… We were out of everything and this grocery store trip would not allow me to run in and out.
I spent way too much time getting ready that morning but I had to make sure I looked good! Today could be the day!
We had been down a few isles and hadn’t seen him. Maybe he wasn’t working?
Just as as my body started to relax, we went into the next aisle and there he was. I probably looked like a deer in headlights until Sara introduced us.
She invited him to our house for dinner that evening. It was a perfect toe dip.
We ate a home cooked meal, laughed our butts off, and watched silly Netflix TV shows. It never felt awkward, there was never a lull in the conversation, just good times. I didn’t want the night to end!
He came over again the next day for a day “date”, just us. It was a beautiful, sunny, 90-degree, California day. Perfect pool weather.
It was like we had been friends for years. We shared wine and soaked all day. Our day date turned into dinner, and then a sleepover. (I know, kind of quick. You’ll see that it is a theme with us.)
After that day, we dove headfirst. Any time we had available, was spent together.
We were both new to the area and had so many places to explore! We went to the coast mostly. Driving for hours, sitting on beaches, hiking in the redwoods, and partying in San Francisco. We explored new restaurants on the coast, hotels in the cities, and concert venues. Traveled to new cities and down unknown roads.
From Humboldt to Big Sur, down to LA and back up. We were all over California. It was exciting and intimate to share so many firsts. Our love really felt like it was growing every moment. I was on a high, and not just from the Cali greens, if you know what I mean.
Within a month of us knowing each other, he asked me to go on a 14-hour drive to Montana.
The plan was to stop in Eureka first, to pick up a friend of his. Then up to Portland, Washington to visit another one of his friends. Next we would attend a Native American wedding in Elmo, Montana and enjoy a night in downtown Kalispell, Montana. Lastly we would go camping for a few days in Glacier National Park, near the Montana, Canada border.
Two weeks in a Toyota Camry. We were about to get really familiar with each other.
My family and Sara thought I was a little crazy to go such a far distance with someone I hadn’t known very long.
In my mind, we had lots of practice. We had been in the car together for long hours and spent full days traveling on some occasions. We may not have been in a “boyfriend, girlfriend” relationship at the time, but I knew we could handle it.
Off we went without a second thought!
The trip was amazing. Breathtaking in fact.
We partied like rockstars at the wedding with “Uncle Carl” the whiskey (YUM) and ended the night camping in a yurt. Downtown Kalispell had a fun nightlife for such a small town! We danced until the bars closed and even saw Steph Curry playing poker at one point!
Finally, we headed north again to camp in Glacier National Park on Lake McDonald. No more service, no more parties, or friends, just us two.
On the way to our campsite, we explored the sites. We hiked along a wooden path to see some mountain goats, drove on the “Road to the Sun”, a popular drive in Glacier, and took so many pictures. It was a full day of beauty and each other.
Once we finished setting up our tent, we had to go on one more walk to see the lake before it got dark. As we sat on the shore of Lake McDonald, eating snacks and enjoying a storm rolling across the water, N turned towards me in true old-school form, and asked me to be his girlfriend. This was only the beginning of our love story.
My heart literally melted.
We were so involved with each other; we didn’t notice the storm changing course. (pictured on the left)
All of a sudden we could see the water being pummeled by hail, and it was coming quickly.
We had trash from our snacks we needed to bag up, a blanket to fold, shoes to put on and a yoga mat to roll! All too soon, the hail found us.
We started running through the trees as the hail started to get bigger. Branches were breaking and the trees were swaying. We had to stop to unroll the yoga mat to use it as a cover.
The small stream we crossed was now rushing underneath us.
Our lightest hike of the day turned into one of the most exciting experiences of my camping life. When we finally reached our tent, the storm was gone.
I could already feel the change he was making in my life, in my being. An experience like that would have left me anxious and worried but with him it felt thrilling! I couldn’t stop laughing.
The feelings of being terrified of existing slowly faded to the back, I felt so safe with him. My book of trauma was starting to come to a close and the cover art for my new life was being created.. The trauma didn’t disappear, but it started to feel manageable. And more importantly, I felt protected.
A couple of months after our trip, he moved in. (I told you, we move fast! )
He needed a place to stay and I needed help with rent, but really I just couldn’t wait to have him around more.
Without hesitation, I asked him to move in. We were like long lost lovers from a past life and for the first time in a long time, I KNEW I was excited, not anxious.
Our respect and understanding for each other was growing every day.
He saw me.
The anxious, happy, terrified, curious, loving person, who was healing and finding herself.
He gave me space, he helped bring me out of my shell and showed me that surprises and spontaneity can be safe. Living with him felt so natural. For some reason, I didn’t have to overthink my decisions with him. I could just live and know he was going to be there.
After a short year of knowing each other, he felt like he needed to move back to his hometown. His grandma was sick at the time and he wanted to be around family.
I was selfishly disappointed, to say the least, but how could I fault him for wanting to be with family.
It was the sweetest and most important decision he could have made. Seeing how important family was to him, only made me fall more in love. I couldn’t help being sad, our adventures would be over.
The last thing I ever expected to happen then happened. He asked me to move with him to Montana.
Just like our road trip, and moving in together, I didn’t give it a millisecond of thought. I felt like my time in our little town had reached an end and it all fell into place. I grew so much and was ready for the next stage of life with N.
He moved to Montana first to find us an apartment and found himself a job along the way. A couple of months later, he flew back to California to help me pack my Kia Spectra to the ceiling. In July of 2018, we embarked on the journey to our new life.
We spent the summer exploring fishing access spots, driving around mountain ranges and down more unknown dirt roads, floating on rivers, and rock hunting on their banks.
We visited Yellowstone to see bison, and elk. We went to all the hot springs.
I found a job that same summer and made sure to change my driver’s license, and license plate right away to make it official.
Montana was finally my new home and I was with my man.
Today, he listens to me cry, deals with, and understands my insecurities. He helps guide me through some of my downs and gives me space when I can only feel and have no words.
Being with him has made my life feel so much more safe. My past experiences fade to the back, and our love is all I can see.
It will be five years in the summer of 2022 and it still feels brand new. Since we moved to Montana, life together has been flying by!
Keep your fingers crossed the ring comes soon! (;
