Well, here we go!
We are all complicated beings. We all have had our trials and troubles. I hope that what I share moving forward will inspire and enlighten those of you who may be struggling with mental health, the challenges of adulting and everything in between.
In this blog, you will learn more about me than most people in my life. We will talk about relationships, mental health, building strength, growing, and pretty much anything that comes across my noodle. Everything but my name.
I want this blog to be something of an online journal, and I am pretty nervous about that… One day I may find some courage but for now, it’s a no.
Let’s start with an introduction!
I am 31 years young, I live in Montana with my partner of 5 years and our two cats. We moved to his hometown in Montana from California 4 years ago. It has been one of the best decisions of our lives and it opened a whole new chapter for both of us.
I got a job working in the front office of a school, it has been an experience of a lifetime. He got a job in sales, although it is not his favorite, he is great at it! I am so grateful for the new life we have created so far. Our home, our kitties, our routine. The word comfort has never made so much sense.
So, what made me start a blog? Let me tell you why.
Over the past 2 years, I started to process things that I had tried to forget. A lot of those feelings were heavy, not something you bring up at a brewery with friends. Ya know? (Anyone else a sucker for sour beers?)
I was able to talk about anything and everything with a therapist. She made me feel much less gullible by sharing statistics and definitions- I love that part. A lot of my experiences were written down, proven, categorized.
I felt vindicated, and I could breathe again.
There was one aspect missing though – therapists can’t commiserate or talk about similar experiences in their lives, and that boundary is important, but I needed to find that missing piece. Eventually I did in other people’s stories.
It was healing to read real-life stories, connecting to the person who lived the experience. I found inspiration! So, I started writing every time I was having more internal than external dialogue. In fact, the more I wrote, the more I realized that I wanted to share my story.
If I can reach one person, maybe even help them, being vulnerable will be worth any criticism I may get.
At the beginning of Covid, during quarantine, I started compiling all my writing entries. I dug out old journals, scrolled through old Facebook posts for my most cryptic quotes, and kept writing.
As weird as it sounds, when we all shut down, I felt at ease. Anyone else feel like that? Being at home, working when it was needed, taking breaks ALONE to recharge. Most of all, focusing on what was working for and against me. I wanted this to be my reality, my everyday.
There were a few important questions I needed to answer first: How do I make this situation my reality? Can I incorporate my rekindled love of writing?
I was complaining on the phone to my mom, per usual, about how I didn’t know anything about starting a business, or a website for that matter, and I definitely don’t know what people like. I didn’t think I could handle people reading my heart on a screen and hating it.
My mom responded with this “Don’t do anything with the goal of impressing people, do it for the love of what you are doing”.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized – every one of the people I look up to, are genuinely themselves. They are confident and vulnerable.
I have to get comfortable with talking to myself for a little while and learn to be more confident and genuine! However, the only thing I am confident of, is that it will take a while for this to reach anyone, but I think it will be worth the wait.
SO, this is me. Doing something that I love, writing and sharing. Welcome to My Complicated Mind. Click here to go to my Blog Page.