Let me set the scene!
It was the 90’s, I was in junior high and my big weekend plan was to go walk around the mall with my bestie and look at the cute boys for hours, of course! Before social media, our only pool of potential suitors came from school, church, family friends or by meeting strangers out and about. Enter Boyfriend #1 (BF#1), we met at the mall.
Nearly two full years of hormones and fairytales, as many first relationships are. I sang Avant’s “My First Love” his voicemail, he would walk to see me if he couldn’t get a ride, we went on dates to the movies or the mall, just an average puppy love relationship. We celebrated our half anniversaries for goodness’ sake. We were simply infatuated with each other. Meanwhile, I got exactly what I wanted – someone to be as obsessed with me, as I was with them.
His life and mine were very different.
I lived on the outskirts of town. I played outside until the streetlights came on, and neighbors watched out for each others kids.
He lived in the heart of our city, where being outside was always a gamble. His family home was being shot at and he was attacked while walking around in his neighborhood. It was a terrifying environment. Gangs in our area were at war all the time. When I say war, I mean it in the truest sense of the word.
Sometimes it was an “on-site” situation. Meaning, that if two rivals saw each other, they fought and a majority of those fights used more than fists. If you didn’t belong you were on your own. If you were outside, on your own, you were getting beaten up and probably by more than one person.
BF#1 felt like there was no other option, so he joined a large gang for protection. Unsurprisingly, it made the activity worse, but he felt his members had his back. His environment shaped him, whether he wanted it to happen or not.
It seemed as though the violence followed him, and I couldn’t risk the people I love, so we broke up. He was understanding. Pretty soon after our breakup, he called me from jail.
Winner, winner for my intro to relationships, right? Tip: Don’t date strangers when you are twelve…?